Finally, a reaction from the Dept of Ed.

That's right! The Department of Education is planning to solve the looming student loan crisis.

Oh, never mind. We just read the source a little more closely. Actually, the Dept of Ed is planning an "emergency survey". We have no earthly idea what that means, but based on previous statements and actions from the Dept of Ed, we're pretty sure it amounts to NOTHING.

So, back to DEFCON 4. We'll let you know when something really happens.